Got a man yet?!

**Marilyn Monroe used to keep a diary but apparently, she only ever wrote the good things in it because she didn't want anyone to know the real her- and look how well things turned out for her, maybe if she had been more honest things would have turned out a little differently!! For me the point of this blog is all about honesty because, like I've said before,I started it in an attempt to get my writing mojo back. (it is also NOT an attempt to pick up guys!)I'm slowly getting into the writing again! If I only wrote about the good stuff it wouldn't be honest and it wouldn't be me!**

Now, I don't know if anyone else experiences this but sometimes in certain situations, in my head, my life is like a situation comedy! Sometimes when people say things to me, although I'm not actually saying anything out loud or showing any facial expression, the little me inside my head is saying everything I wish I could say. I know there is a smile I do when someone says something to me that I have no response for. (my friends can recognise this smile All TOO WELL!)
I had one of these moments this week with the guy who does my nails. We were talking about how my bf had had her baby and he said to me, 'So when are you going to have a baby?'. To which I replied (while laughing my nervous, uncomfortable laugh) "oh who knows?' And he says, 'well you better hurry up because time is running out'! MY NAIL GUY!! TELLING ME THAT MY TIME IS RUNNING OUT. The voice in my head was going nuts! For the record, the me in my head seems to yell...A LOT!!!!!
Time is running out! This is a sentence that we single girls love to hear! Nothing like putting the pressure on!
The baby thing doesn't come up half as often as the being single thing though. I used to tell my best friend I was going to write a book called 'Got a man yet?' because I went through a stage where that was all that people asked me. I mean seriously, I would see people from school or people I used to hang out with and the first question they would ask me was 'So, you got a man yet?' It always amazed me that this question came before 'So, what have you been doing with yourself?'
I remember not long after I got back from living in England I was managing a ladies fashion store and I ran into girl I went to school with. When I told her about my job and my trip she actually said to me 'What, no man?'! She was engaged at the time. We were both 23!! TWENTY THREE!!! (she is however, divorced now!)
It always amazes me that no matter what you do in your life you will always end up being judged on whether or not you have a partner in your life!
To be honest the 'Got a man yet?' question isn't even the one that stumps me the most. The question that really leaves me at a total loss for words is 'why are you still single?'. I hate that question soooo much! People say it to my face or they ask my friends why I'm still single and my friends relay it back to me. Now, I know my friends tell me because they see it as a compliment, because it is said meaning 'I don't understand why she is still single' but it is a question I can't answer in a nice polite way so I generally just change the subject. People don't want my answer. My answer is 'I don't know, why do YOU think I'm still single?' But I can't actually ask that because it would obviously just make people feel uncomfortable. Or on the few occasions I have asked it I just get cop out answers like 'you are obviously too fussy' or 'you obviously don't want one'! These answers make me want to scream because I want constructive things like 'you need to smile more', 'you need to listen more', 'change the way you dress', 'don't act quite so blokey', 'don't be so obtrusive', 'lose weight' or 'be softer'. Whatever it is, JUST TELL ME! There has to be reason, there is always a reason for things.
Have you ever seen the show 'Get Smart'? I never liked the show but I always remember the closing credits to that show when Maxwell Smart is walking through the corridor with the huge heavy doors slamming closed behind him . Well that is pretty much what happens to me if I'm talking to a guy that interests me! All those doors slam closed around me blocking any part of the real me! So it isn't that I don't want a permanent guy in my life, I just don't know which me to be in order to get one! I am a terrible flirt so I pretty much gave up attempting to flirt when I was 17, it just felt too fake for me. Sometimes I wish I had one of those little ear pieces in my ear with my two BFs on a radio telling me what to say when I'm talking to new guys (ones that aren't my friends I mean.)because when we were younger they were always the masters of the flirt! Although, the flaw in that, of course is that I wouldn't be being myself!

I remember there was this guy I was 'hanging out' with and I decided to consult my BFs about how I should be acting. (Just as a little side note, one of the BFs literally nearly fell off her chair in Gold Class cinemas purely out of excitement that I was talking like this about any guy!!) I would come to one of them and say things like 'but he got angry when a random guy was just asking me if I was having a good night' and she would say 'oh but that is nice, it just means he cares'! So I would go away thinking, Okay, I must be looking at this the wrong way! I actually used to ask them what to say and how to act but eventually I realised I just wasn't being myself (and that I actually thought he was an idiot), which to me, defeats the purpose of spending time with someone.

Not long ago I went on a blind date/coffee with a guy and it was torture!!! I was asking all these questions(because everyone always says you should listen to what the guy has to say) and all I was getting were one word responses. It also didn't help that about 9 different people I know were having coffee in that same cafe, all watching, curious to see who I was with. This was when it occurred to me that in your thirties, when people are trying to set two single people up, the only prerequisite is that they are both single and breathing! The set up very rarely has anything to do with interests and personality. Although, in saying that, one of my friends said not that long ago that he met the perfect guy for me, that his personality was so much like mine, the only problem was that he was married!!! (That's great, yeh thanks for that!!)

So tonight I had a look at one of those Internet dating sites, it was more out of curiosity than anything else. (For the record, I don't think there is anything wrong with people using these sites, I've just never done it myself.)
I found the questions on the application form very interesting. The questions were all answered on a one to ten basis and they were questions like 'how attractive are you?', 'Do you like helping those in need?', 'Are you a good listener?'. I mean come on! Are people really answering these questions completely honestly? There was a whole section on how your friends would describe you. I know how I'd like my friends to describe me but I'm sure how they actually describe me is a totally different thing!!

Now as I get older I find a lot of my good friends are unable to go out with me as much because of other commitments (understandable). When I do actually go out with them I'm generally enjoying myself so much with them that I don't have time to be meeting men. Plus times are different now. When the girls get time away from husbands, boyfriends and kids we just want to do dinners and quiet drinks so we can catch up properly (which I totally love). When the boys get time away from wives, girlfriends and kids they just want to have boys nights as a total break. So the opportunities to go out and meet guys have become less and less. Of course you go out with new people but nothing ever beats the you that you can be when you are around the friends you love and are most comfortable with. So as a result, as a single, you kind of get left in limbo a bit.

I don't want to give the wrong impression, it is not like I think about this stuff all the time, it is just when people like to remind me how my time is running out it obviously plays on my mind a bit! I mean apparently time is running out so fast for me, I barely had enough time to finish this blog!!!


Until next time,
the last single 34 yr old woman....i like long walks on the beach and....RELAX I"m joking, I"M JOKING!!!

xx