Age vs Honesty

Coming from such a big family, I've always had little children around me. I also baby sit my good friend's children every now and then, and with my children's party business I'm around kids a lot.
The other day I was looking after my friend's children. I don't think the kids really look at it as me looking after them but more like a play date. (I always remember the little boy asking me why I was allowed to swim without any 'big people' around!!)Anyway the three of us were doing some painting (there is a whole story that I could write of the disaster that came from painting but that could be a whole blog in itself!)
As I was sitting there just casually chatting with a 4 year old and a 6 year old I was thinking about how real kids are. They are completely honest. I always feel like kids can spot a fake a mile away. When you ask a child to do something and they say no, generally when you ask them why they will answer 'because I don't want to'! I love that! You can tell a child off and then 5 seconds later they are playing a game with you. They don't pigeon hole you. You are never just the person who tells them off or just the person to have fun with, children accept the every you in you! (if that makes sense)
Things, however, are not so simple with adults. Lies, deceptions, double standards and backstabbing seem to be accepted as normal parts of adult lives. I've chatted with so many people over the years about the value of their friendships. Most girls I talk to have had close female friends that they are no longer friends with because of backstabbing and bitchiness. At what stage in our lives does our childlike honesty go out the window?
I hate it when standing with a group of people, all friendly and nice and then the second one of them walks off, the others all start bitching about them! I know a lot of that happened in high school, I never expected it to still happen in my thirties.
I think this is why people have always questioned the bond between 'Dominique', 'Priscilla' and myself. No one can seem to fathom how three females can be so close for such a long time. At the moment I feel like we are all stronger than ever but believe me we've all had our moments over the years(as everyone does)but looking back, those moments have usually arisen when other people start interfering with our friendship. Those two haven't pigeon holed me and they know the true me (by pigeon holing I mean when people only see you as one thing, for example if you have one night where you are driving and not drinking some people will always see you as someone who doesn't know how to have a good time!). They accept that sometimes I like to chat to them for ages about everything, or sometimes I like to turn my phone off and disappear for a day or two, They accept that some nights I like to do quiet drinks at home or some nights I like to go nuts and party until the next morning. Dominique has always accepted that Priscilla and I like to drink quite a bit (actually we can out drink most people)sometimes and we both accept that she generally doesn't like to drink as much as us but none of us judge each other for it. After so long, there is very little judgement, just friendship!

I also find that lies never stop as we get older. I am amazingly good at being able to tell when someone is lying to me, and it happens a lot. From all my years of managing in retail I've come across so many lies. Staff members lie all the time about being late, or not showing up to work etc. Customer's lie all the time when trying to return clothes. Most of the time when I know someone is lying I don't call them on it because it isn't worth the hassle. I figure karma will sort it out. I'm not totally innocent,I've had to use lies the years as well, especially now with my business when I have to convince children I am actually a blue fairy. It always amuses me that if you do call someone on a lie they get angry and argumentative even if you have actual evidence it is almost as if they have actually convinced themselves that they are telling the truth.
Of course any conversation about lies will lead to honesty. Honesty is a funny little thing. I find when people say the words 'be honest with me' they mean be a little honest but not totally honest!! Not me! I like total honesty! I find if your feelings get a little hurt by someone being totally honest with you it still doesn't even come close to the feeling of finding out the truth ages later!
I also find that total honesty plays a part in bitching as well. I always find when someone is bitching to you about someone else they tend to embellish the truth a bit. They tend to make the person they are talking about sound worse than they are and they are usually actually leaving out any bad stuff about themselves. The only embellishments I appreciate in my life are on my Wheels and Dollbaby singlets thanks!!
One thing my Grandfather taught me was to 'trust no one' (I think this is a very Scottish thing but also a very useful piece of advice).
One thing my mum always taught me is, if someone is bitching to you about someone else, they are usually bitching to someone else about you! (also a very useful piece of advice that is always in the back of my mind).

As I get older I find myself being more childlike in dealing with double standards and honesty etc. I find it harder to fake it if someone irritates me, I find myself just writing people off if they are constantly lying to me or bitching about me. I find myself not giving a reason when I have to say 'No' to something (I learned that off Oprah). Life is too short to get caught up in all the complications that we create for ourselves. I have an amazing network of real friends around me (those people know who they are)....why would I surround myself with anything less?!


Until next time,
the last single 34yr old woman