Just a quickie..quirky behaviours!

It occurred to me last night as I reached for my DESSERT spoon to eat my soup, that I have some little quirky habits that I have at home that I probably wouldn’t display in public.

I like to eat soup with a dessert spoon.

I like to eat dessert with a teaspoon. I love eating with a teaspoon!!

I like Filet O fish burgers! (apparently I’m the only one)

I love a whopper with no bread (FYI impossible to eat neatly in public).

I prefer eating from a bowl than a plate (yes I know not possible with a good steak).

I like my music loud when I’m around the house doing….well doing anything, cleaning, cooking etc. I like lots of guitar and great vocals and LOUD!!

I love looking at pictures in any gossip or fashion magazines but I hate reading the articles.

I’m sure there are way more, but these were the ones I thought of while eating my soup last night….with my dessert spoon!

Just another Donnarism xx

Never too short?

Ok, so I have a question. When exactly did it become acceptable for girls to show their butt cheeks in public?! And believe me, I am not talking about down at the beach, I'm talking, every day when walking down the street and at night in bars and pubs. Seriously, when did this become acceptable?

Of course this is a rhetorical question as I already know the answer. Ummmm NEVER!!!!! I don't care if you have a body like Beyoncé, or you are a size 6 or you are a size 16. It is never OK in a normal day to day situation to have half of your butt hanging out. Maybe if you are a model in a photo shoot or on stage as a back up dancer for JLO, other than that it is NOT OK!!!!!!!!!!
You all must remember the commercial that used to be on TV (it could have been for Mentos) when it was saying how if guys are seen wearing bather briefs (aka budgie smugglers) anywhere off the sand at the beach they are wearing underwear? Well that is the same rule with short shorts and skirts!. If I can see your butt cheeks anywhere other than in a performing capacity then you are wearing bathers! C'mon, you have all seen it! You know I'm not exaggerating.

I work in the city and am seeing as much bottom as seen in the above pic on a daily basis. if this is what girls think is fashion then I have lost all faith in the fashion industry that I love so much! Like I said, I'm not just talking during the day, I'm seeing girls wearing outfits resembling swimwear in the evening as well. Yes, yes, Kylie got away with it.

But Kylie was in a film clip and on stage. In normal day to day life, clothing that resembles swimwear is not at all fashionable and can only be described as tacky.

I know I sound like a complete prude but girls, have some self respect, is it really necessary to have your bottoms hanging out for everyone to see?!

And before anyone says 'I'm jealous', not so. I don't get jealous of other girl's appearances, I simply admire females who look elegant, fashionable and sexy. Just three weeks ago I saw a girl wearing an amazing blue playsuit with gorgeous shoes and her hair slicked back, she looked fantastic, so I told her so. I don't get jealous, I just get concerned that girls think it is completely acceptable to wear things that resemble denim, Brazilian bikini bottoms to a music festival!

Let me also add, it is not just shorts that are the issue. Micro, mini skirts are equally as offensive. Ladies (and I use that world loosely) if your bottom hangs below the bottom of your skirt, it is not a skirt, it is a belt! I was out with a girlfriend over the weekend and there were butt cheeks coming at us left, right and centre. And let me just say, when there is dancing added to this fashion disaster equation it pretty much turns into a night at the Playboy Mansion. Yowza!!! I'm assuming that guys find this sexy, I'm hoping I'm wrong! I don't think it is sexy at all!

Just as a side note....when you go on an escalator in one of these micro minis, the people below you can see EVERYTHING!! I'm TALKING EVERYTHING!! I spend a lot of time on escalators at my work and let me just say, I don't remember ever signing anything that said I wanted to be a gynaecologist!!!

Anyway that's my say and I had to have it, and now I will leave you with one thought, an extra inch and a half of fabric goes a long way.

Until next time,

DM xx

And the white flag goes up.

Ok, so i have been extremely non committal with my blog over the last 12 months. This got me thinking that, as with most things in life, when something becomes a chore, it is time to stop. I seem to have lost a bit of my creative mojo over the last year. I have barely written, and I haven't picked up my SLR camera or even my 'happy snap' camera in more than a year. I feel now, it is time to raise the white flag and surrender to the fact that my blog days are numbered (at least for now).
This then got me thinking about how there are some things you really do have to just give up on. Some dreams, some goals, even some friendships just don't last forever. While it is lovely to think that you can achieve whatever you put your mind to, the reality is, that there are some things, that for whatever the reason, you may not achieve.
The question is do you give up and move on to new and better or do you continue to live your life in hope?

I have no answer to this question but I do like to believe that with every ending, comes a new beginning. (clearly I'm using 'stopping my blog' as a metaphor for other things in my world, as of course, the blog is just a teeny tiny factor).
There may feel like there is a black hole in your world at first but eventually you know you will pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move onwards and upwards. In saying that, I believe it is ok to spend 5 minutes mourning whatever it is you've given up on, very often these dreams, hopes, friendships or behaviours have been with us for years.

As for my blog, I believe I have always stayed true to myself, always being honest and real and never trying to be anything I'm not.

I am me, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!

Thanks, for the support, the comments and the smiles.

Until another time and place,
the last single 36yr old woman xx

In hindsight......

So I have been feeling well below par of late. It would be hard to describe why, there has been so much going on. There has been a lot of internal questioning going on about many things. I have been finding it very difficult to find the answer or reason to most of it.
It seems the realist in me has taken over and the girl that used to be able to take me to a better, happier, fantasy place to escape the world, has disappeared. I have no idea of what my future holds, and I sometimes wish to become more naive and not so realistic.

It is no secret that my father passed away last year. I am surprised at the scar that this has left me with. I don't know if maybe it is the circumstances in which it happened or if it is that the strength I had when it all happened has worn off but I have been feeling the aftermath a quite a bit of late. I have also felt it maybe a bit late in the game to discuss that time with people. Tonight it suddenly occurred to me that it is exactly 7 months since it all happened. I think about those dreaded three weeks every single day. I know I probably shouldn't rehash things from that time but I think it may take a little longer than expected to start feeling completely normal again.
Although I have a lot of stuff going on at the moment,and I probably choose to talk about hardly any of it, I think the key, underlying fact that finally I can admit is, and I finally should admit is, I just miss my Dad.

Until next time,
the last single 36yr old woman

Is there an answer?

In summer, as a child I used to take 5 minutes to throw my bathers on and run outside and jump into my neighbour’s swimming pool. As an adult it takes time to put sunscreen on, get into my bathers, make sure my towel is nearby and then I stand on the edge of the pool and psyche myself into diving in.
Life seemed so easy as a child. There was no thinking, you just ‘did’ and suffered the consequences of your actions later. As an adult, there are always questions, reservations and fears. Although I never quite knew what I wanted to be in terms of career, I think I was always so sure of myself. I knew who I was. I knew what to expect and I was prepared for anything.
I was so naïve.
Isn’t it funny how life can throw you so many curve balls, how, no matter how prepared you think you are, life can throw things at you that can completely shake you to the core. Life can change everything you were, or thought you were.
There are big things that happen to us and there are small things that happen to us. Sometimes you find yourself in the eye of a storm quicker than you can ever imagine. Sometimes things happen and you don’t realise how much they have changed you until later when you stand aside and look back.
There are things that can happen in one second that can completely change every part of you. There are unexpected relationships, there are loves that succeed and loves that never stand a chance, there are people that you have one lasting moment with and there are people you spend the rest of your lives with. There are choices that we make for ourselves and there are choices that are made for us. There is laughter and there are tears. There is euphoria and there are disappointments. There are unexpected delays and there is the inevitable that comes faster than we ever wanted. There are moments to look back and reminisce and there are times we must look forward.
Every moment in our lives counts, changes us and forms us. Are there regrets? Are there mistakes? Of course there are, there has to be, no one else has ever lived our lives before us.
People talk about destiny and fate. Do I believe in these? I don’t know! I love the thought of destiny but then I think that destiny can be cruel sometimes and that other people use destiny and fate as an excuse for the mistakes they have made.
There are so many so called professionals who give advice on how your life should be lived. Are there any real answers though? Is there any right way to prepare for all that life throws at us?
The Beatles said ‘All you need is Love’.
Van Morrison told us ‘There’d be days like this’.
The Rolling Stones told us ‘You can’t always get what you want’.
Is there an instruction manual to Life?
I think it just comes down to whether we are going to stand on the edge or just dive in. There are no answers and there are always bumps or, even hills in the road. We can only have limited expectations as there will always be the unexpected or the unknown.
Life is not always easy, no one ever said it would be, at least no one said it to me!

Until next time,
the last single 36yr old xx

Chef, Cook or whatever.....

I've never been very good at following instructions, actually no, correction, I've never been very good at READING instructions. Quite frankly, I can't be bothered. Televisions, mobile phones, computers etc. I never read instructions.
This then causes me my dilemma about recipes. I do like to cook and am pretty good at it (if I do say so myself). My forte is savoury food and I think this is because I can just make stuff up based on tastes. You can't make stuff up in baking! I have made up some yummy meals over the years but am always unnsuccessful with desserts. Whenever people ask me to 'bring something sweet' I can never just settle for bringing something simple like a cake! No no no I have to try and conjure up some elaborate dessert in my head!
This little intro brings me to today's challenge. Macarons!! Everyone has been talking Macarons ever since Adriano Zumbo's Macaron tower on Masterchef.
My team leader (who bakes a lot) at work tried about 6 times before he perfected them (they were delish!). I've been wanting to try making them for ages so today I gave them a go. However, I did cheat a little! I decided to try the Donna Hay macaron packet mix first.

I figured that this would help me learn the texture and process and then I would attempt them from scratch! I'm not really sure if this was the right approach!! I followed the very simple instructions, I read and re read. I wanted these to be perfect. I mean seriously, how hard can it be?! At least that is what I thought!! When it came time to spoon them onto the tray (yes she said to spoon them not pipe them) I realised something had somehow gone a little wrong. It looked like I was making pikelets!

Even then I kept saying to myself 'maybe this is how they are meant to look' (wishful thinking when I knew there was no way they were meant to look like that). So after the stated ten minutes waiting time, I popped them into the oven and hoped for the best!
And the result?

Don't be crazy, as if!! These are the ones that my team leader made for me! Here are mine!

MAJOR FAIL!!!! Hilarious! However, they do still taste delicious!!
I may or may not try making them again(from scratch next time why bother with the bought mix?).
Otherwise I'll stick to cooking savoury stuff and playing it safe with cakes if and when sweet is required! The french stuff may just be a little too complicated for me!

Until next time,
the last single 35yr old woman xx

my Dad told me he loved me......

We have never been an overly affectionate family (I believe it is the Scottish in us). My friends know me as the person that is hardest to show affection to. For me this is tough, because I have always craved the affection (but never known how to show it), but then again, being the youngest, I have always been a little different from my 3 sisters and my brother in that way. I have always conformed as that is what I was always used to.
In some ways I have always been jealous of my siblings,they all got to spend time together going on family trips and spending quality time with each other. In other ways, being so much younger than my siblings, I was thankful for the time I got to spend with my parents alone. As this is about my Dad, I'll talk about the times with him. Any moment he had spare he spent with me. Every Thursday night, we used to go to Morley shopping centre (pre Galleria) and buy scratchie lotto tickets, it was our thing. If he had a saturday morning off (he worked a lot)we would go into the city and just walk around and always come home with hot cinnamon doughnuts (ah the simple things!).
Dad and I clashed a lot when I was in my late teens and early 20s, but we both always knew that these 'clashes;' were because we were so similar. We could both be very 'hot tempered', stubborn and opinionated! It just seemed normal that we would butt heads!
Fast forward to when I was in my late twenties and i remember my mum had been rushed to hospital for D.V.T and that night, as Dad and I had dinner together, he told me he loved me and he told me all the things that he hoped i would achieve in my life. In a family that doesn't actually use the words 'i love you' often, this conversation will always be in my memory.
Over the last few years I learnt so much about my Dad. He opened up about things from his past that he never would have told me about. I will always be thankful for the insight into his life.

On Friday August 26th 2011, my Dad passed away. After nearly 3 weeks of being unconscious after having a stroke on a holiday in Scotland, his body decided that enough was enough. Everyone keeps saying the world lost a true gentleman (I absolutely love this description). All I know is that, last Friday, my mum lost her soulmate and I lost my Dad.

Until next time,
the last single 35yr old woman.

(maybe not the most upbeat of blogs but I can only write from the heart)

the Reality of Reality......

I've always made a promise to myself that I would be totally honest when I write this blog. Over the last 11 days I have started writing 3 times but deleted each time. This time I'm going to try and write a complete post. I guess I should start from the beginning...
So here goes. Last week I was out for dinner with great friends, just after main course I received a call from my brother telling me that my Dad had collapsed while on his holiday (with Mum) in Inverness, Scotland and that he was unconscious. I rang the hospital straight away and spoke to mum but all she could tell me was that he had collapsed while they were walking through a mall. She sounded broken. The next 5 hours were filled with me, my brother and sisters ringing each other and the hospital and words like 'coma', 'stroke' and 'possibility of not waking up' were being thrown around a lot. Everything seemed to be in slow motion. Mum was over there on her own and none of us could see Dad or Mum to see exactly what was going on (I'm a visual person).
The next morning, one of my sisters left to be with Mum in Scotland. In the meantime my cousin's wife went up from Manchester to be with Mum. I can't even fathom what mum must have been going through. My cousin from Italy also flew over. Mum needed company.
#just as a little side note I have to explain (for those of you that have never read my blogs before) that my parents are complete soul mates, their love for each other has never been questioned, by anyone.
3 days later we were told that Dad won't be waking up. Numb! He won't be waking up! My Dad, won't be waking up!
Since that diagnosis I can only describe what I've been feeling as complete limbo. I'm going through all the motions of my normal life (working etc.) but this is the only thing on my mind. My friends and family have been amazing, but this is all that is on my mind. Why did this have to happen so far away? Why does this have to go on so long? I'm going about my normal day to day business but all I really want to do is lie in bed and wait for it all to be over. Or I want to wake up and find out that this was all just a nightmare. This is torture. I want to see my mum, I want to support her. this is torture.
I can keep saying I'm o.k but the reality is, I'm not. I'm exhausted, both mentally and physically. I'd love there to be a happy ending but the reality is there can't be. I want this over, how long can it go on for?

Until next time,
the last single 35yr old.

In the blink of an eye!

When I was younger I used to throw around quotes like 'life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans' and 'between thousands of yesterdays and millions of tomorrow, lies one, and only one today'. Now, although I probably understand such poignant sentiments better than I did, I find there is barely enough time for them to ring true. 'Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt and dance like no one is watching', one of my favourite quotes but seriously, who the hell has time. I used to love to look back and remember those moments, those moments that helped form us, those moments that made me laugh, those moments that made me cry and most of all, those moments that made me, me. But now there is no time, NO TIME! Where time used to seem to go so slowly when I was younger (too slowly) now I find it is all just a blur, like the image of a train zipping by. There doesn't seem to be enough time to have those moments anymore, and to create them takes planning and time (which we don't have). I find myself always rushing things, conversations, family time, friend time, me time, the things I cherish most I have to rush to fit into my schedule.
I'd love to have time to 'smell the roses' as they say (whoever they are?)but WHEN?
Time is so limited at the moment, I barely have time to write this blog, but I will however, take time to finish with another quote I love.

'As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.'

Just another thought.
Until next time,
the last single 35yr old x

the age of learning....

At 23 I knew who i was, no expectations, no false beliefs in myself. At 35 I realised I've questioned myself for more than ten years!
It amazes me that people can come into our lives and teach us to question everything we stand for, evereything we are comfortable with, everything we come to terms with about ourselves. It amazes me that people can come into our lives and have such a profound affect on everything we believed to be true about ourselves and never know the difference they have made on our lives. The people we choose to be around can help form us, as human beings, good or bad, they can help create the people we can be today. Without the people we choose to surround us, I believe, we would never know who we truly are. These people serve a purpose but they can't always stay around forever, sometimes, once they have served their purpose, they need to leave just as easily as they entered. As sad as it, this is all just part of a process, they have to leave in order for you to truly understand the learning they were brought to you for.
Just a thought......

Until next time,
the last single 35 yr old woman

that AGE old number......

So it has been a while! Actually over 8 months since I wrote a blog, but I've had a few people remind me that I haven't written for so long so I felt like I should. I had been thinking about it but had given into the fact that since I had started full time (and some) work again I kind of couldn't find my mojo! I have since reconsidered this theory....no excuses I've decided! So now i'm back, exclamation marks and all!!

My first thought, when I re opened my blog after so long was 'do i change the title'? Things have, after all, changed in my life since I last wrote. Don't get excited, I'm talking about my age! That is correct, I am now thirty five,thirty five, 35! (it doesn't matter how I say it, I'm 35) And although that doesn't sound very different (one year to be exact!), just saying 35, to me, sounds VERY different!!!
This personal debate about my blog title got me thinking about age. When I was in my twenties, forty may as well have been ninety! Now, at thirty five, and knowing how fast the last five years have gone, forty seems only a blink away! 40! My dad was 40 when i was born. 40! I was 5 when my mum turned 40! Don't get me wrong, I'm not writing off the next 5 years but it has certainly got me thinking! Some of my friends are turning 40 this year (they still look in their twenties)and i'm sure it has got their minds ticking.

Age? What does it really mean? Now that I'm getting older, I'm starting to question how it must feel to be even 'older'. I still feel young so I keep acting young, or so I think! This begs the question, what if I'm one of those women acting way younger than I really am? Holy crap I don't want to be one of those women that people in their twenties are saying 'I'm sorry, I didn't know my mum was coming out tonight'about! (We actually used to say that occasionally but I'm sure, looking back it must have been about women who were over 100!!)

I found out recently I am going to be a 'great aunt', now that was a huge age awakener! I never had any great aunts, but I did however have a great uncle. I never spoke to him much, probably mainly because he scottish accent was way too strong for me to understand most of the time, and also beacuse as a young girl, I found him a bit strange and could not relate to this 'old man' at all. He travelled by the seasons and spent summer here and then summer in Scotland. I always remember never knowing when he would show up and then all of a sudden, he would show up on a Sunday morning (sunday mornings are a thing at Mum's house)and would stay for Sunday lunch. He was good to us though, he would bring one of us a gift each time. I remember recieving a Cameo necklace and ear rings (I think I was 12) and another time he gave me a wallet with money in it.
I wonder what my great niece or nephew will think of me. Will I be one of those musty smelling ladies with lots of cats and a long, grey braid tied into a bun? Considering the baby is due in October, I don't think I really have enough time to make this transition! I have no pets, and thanks to Narcisso Rodriguez, I never smell 'musty' and there is no grey in my hair (thanks to my fabulous balyage!) Plus there is the fact I'm only 35!

Speaking of hair, at what point do we have to cut our hair short? 45? 50? 60? Let's face it, none of us know many women over the age of 55 with long flowing locks. I do have to admit, the last time I got my hair cut short (about three years ago) I did say to myself 'this is the last time I cut my hair short for fashion and not for age'!
See I'm really touching on all the hard hitting topics! The great hair question! Back me up ladies, we do ask this question as we get older!

I've learnt so much about myself and life in the last 8 months, the last year, the last ten years....I've learned to fight for things worth fighting for and to accept the things that can't be changed. I'm sure growing older for a woman who is single and without children is very different from that of a woman who is married with 3 children, no better or worse, just different but I think the theme remains the same. I think we are more open to learn as we get older, when we were younger I think we thought we knew it all (I did anyway), I knew nothing! Growing older gives you wisdom, the wisdom to look back and smile and to look forward with excitement.
All I can say is as we get older, enjoy it, embrace it and accept it, I plan to!

Until next time,
the last single 35yr old woman

The search for the perfect.....

A woman's relationship with her mascara is deep and it is real!! When I was doing a major clean out of all my 'stuff' recently, I realised I had the most RIDICULOUS amount of mascaras! When I say ridiculous, imagine what you consider ridiculous and then triple it!!! Long, extra long, lush, luscious, ultra black,false eyelash effect, you name it I've tried it. Expensive brands, middle of the range brands and cheap....I'VE tried it! This celebrity or that celebrity won't leave home without her....BELIEVE ME I'VE TRIED IT!!!!
Even the women I know who wear no to minimal makeup, say they would never leave home without a coat of mascara.
I've bought the ones that lengthen, the ones that thicken and the ones that claim to do both! I've tried the ones that first coat your eyelashes with some kind of rubbery white substance and then overcoat your lashes in black. OVERCOAT?TOPCOAT, what, am I getting ready to go out or painting a room!!!
Fact:no mascara makes your lashes look like false eyelashes. Fact: only false eye lashes make your lashes look like fake eye lashes!
I have been blessed/cursed with long lashes that are super straight, with what appears to be blonde tips. I inherited them from my dad! My mum, on the other hand never wears mascara (she can't due to an umbrella accident that knocked her tear duct out causing it to constantly tear up)and she has amazing, curly black lashes!
Every mascara advertisement on T.V makes me want to go out and buy that mascara. Even though every fibre of my being tells me that the girls in the commercials are wearing falsies!
I laughed at myself the other day when I combined two from my collection, one that promised extra long lashes and one that promised thick, full lashes. The perfect combination right?!!!You'd think!
On the very very few occasions I have decided to wear false lashes I have had to set aside an extra half hour of 'get ready' time just to successfully apply them. When I go out with falsies on I spend the whole night in fear that that I look down and find me drink blinking at me (after losing a lash)!!

It has been a long and frivolous search. If only I could put as much effort into finding the perfect man as I do searching for the perfect mascara, even with the knowledge, deep down, that neither of the two exist!

Anyway I saw an advertisement tonight for a new mascara that is actually called 'false lash effect', I suspect it will be added to my collection by he end of the week!!!

until next time,
the last single 34yr old!

A bit Blah!

Well, it has been AGES since I last updated my blog. I guess I've been super busy with work but to be honest, I've also been feeling a bit...well, a bit BLAH!
Blah, is really the only way to describe it! So I've been putting off writing because I didn't want to sound depressed or anything because I'm not, just blah!
Funnily enough quite a few people that I have been talking to, have been feeling the same way. Interestingly enough, these people are mostly single!
I ran into a friend of mine the other day and when I asked him how he was feeling, he said he was feeling 'pretty flat'. I didn't want to tell him that I was feeling the same. When he went into his reasons for not feeling great I really felt for him but then it got me thinking.
Being single isn't always as easy as the people who are married or with kids (or both) seem to think. I actually had a married friend say 'it makes me laugh when you single people say you are busy or stressed when you have no idea what being busy or stressed means'! I actually took great offense to this as I thought to myself that everything is relative in your own life. I understand the stress that must be involved in having children and partners, I think most people do. I do however, find that married people don't understand the stress of being single (and in your mid to late thirties).
Sometimes you feel completely left behind. It is like everyone has moved ahead and you are still standing still. I turn 35 in a couple of months and despite all the things I have done in the last 5 years, I find myself EXACTLY, on paper, where I was when I turned 30! Now that is a scary realisation! Although emotionally and mentally I've learnt a lot, the stats and circumstances remain exactly the same!
I was talking to another single friend a couple of weeks ago and we were talking about how people are always automatically saying to us that 'the right man will come along soon' and 'when you have kids....'! We were both saying that we feel like saying 'you know what, that stuff may not actually happen for me'! but then people look at that as giving up or being negative. We both agreed that it isn't being negative it is being realistic. At what point do you give up on those things? At what point do you say 'OK those things may not happen for me, so what other things can I focus on?'.
This is an insanely difficult conversation that you have with yourself but a very necessary one.
I find being a single guy may be a little easier than being a single gal (just slightly). Firstly, as the female who actually gets pregnant, there is always the constant reminder of the tick tock of that body clock! Guys don't have that! Also, married men still like to go out with their single friends every now and then to pubs, bars etc. either as support or as a little escape from the kids and stuff. Married women tend to do this less and prefer lunches and coffees. While lunches and coffees are fantastic they don't get the single women away from their televisions on a Saturday night!
But I also know that being a single guy in their mid to late thirties (and older)would be difficult because all of a sudden all the girls out there are only 19 -24 and although they are good to watch and admire, the age gap keeps getting bigger and bigger.
I think all of this thinking has come with the fact that I am turning 35 this year. And although I don't dwell on my situation MOST of the time it does concern me every now and then. Of course I never mention that every time someone says 'just wait until you have kids' sometimes feels like they have taken a knife and stabbed it 58 times into my gut!! Because hey, no one wants to hear that.
I also never mention that when someone says 'why haven't you got a man in your life?'I actually want to say 'I don't know, why don't you tell me?!' because no one would ever want to answer that. The easy answer for that is 'you must be too fussy'! but to me that is not an answer. I want to hear honesty, things like 'well you have put on a couple of extra kilos', or 'don't wear those jeans they look disgusting' or 'you look like a drag queen in that make up' or 'you come off really arrogant and as if you really love yourself' or 'you sound like an idiot when you say stuff like that'! All these things would help, I've never been scared of honesty because to me it is how we learn and change.

While not depressed, I think these are the things that have been on my mind lately and making me feel that little bit blah. And for the record I don't begrudge my friends any of what they have, I have always been completely and genuinely happy and excited for them with their relationships and their children, it is just that sometimes, just sometimes I wouldn't mind a little bit of that for me too!

Until next time,
the last single 34yr old woman xx

The way life goes.....

I was thinking this week (just in a general way, not in a depressing way at all!) and I was thinking about how funny it is where life takes us. I've said before that I always love the quote from John Lennon's lyrics 'life is what happens to us when you are busy making other plans'.
There are some things we wish for and some things we just do. There are some things other people presume about us and other things we just do. There are things that are expected of us (from ourselves and the people around us) and the things we just do!
As a child of the age of six I can remember thinking that school wasn't for me! I can remember lying on the floor of my parents lounge room looking at the imprinted triangles in their ceiling (yes we are European and my parents house was built in the seventies so there was/is a pattern imprinted into the ceiling) listening to records (YES, records, they were what we listened to before CDs, there was no Itunes back then!!) and wishing to be 17 and out of school. Most kids love school, but I wanted my freedom, my Independence, from such a young age, I already recognised that I was a little different.
I had such a different upbringing from my brother and sisters. With such a huge gap between me and my siblings, I had the best of both worlds. In some ways I was raised as an only child and in other ways I was raised with so many people trying to play the role of my parents. My dad was the provider who went out early every day to earn a living to provide for his family. My mum had quality time to spend with me because all the rest of her children were at school or university. She taught me to read and write earlier than most and the games, oh the games! Mum had so much time to play with me that I really didn't know how good I had it, and the dancing, oh the dancing!!! Mum and I used to dance together like crazy people! (these are memories I cherish). Every Thursday night Dad and I used to go to Morley shopping centre (before it was the Galleria) and buy lotto and scratch instant lottery scratchies together. We would wander around window shopping together. Sometimes on Saturday mornings(back when the shops closed at 1pm on a Saturday) we would go into the city on the bus together and wander around and then get doughnuts from Boans (yes pre Myer!!!)I really had the life. These moments will stay with me forever! I was blessed!
I was always a very independent person. When I was 8 I used to hang out at my next door neighbour's house while her parents were at work. We were two 8 year old girls with total reign over her house, free to do whatever we wanted. It was never questioned, we just assumed it was o.k. We would go to the park and the shops whenever we wanted (usually on roller skates). We watched Grease, Grease2 and Xanadu almost every single day! We had the life.
When I was 16/17 I never felt the need to lie about going to bars where I needed to be 18, I told my parents. My siblings called me a spoilt brat (they still do!)! I was just honest (about most things) and I felt no need to lie. Of course I kept secrets, all teenagers do, but I was so independent that I never felt the need to ask permission. When I was 15 (1990) I set a date to go to England in November 1996 ( when I was 19)I never told anyone about this goal. In November 1996 went to England for nearly a year!
I'm still independent! I always have been. I find other people's opinions interesting. I find it interesting that people are so concerned that I am a 34 year old single women. People became so concerned that I actually started to question myself!I don't do that any more. In the last 3 years Ive learnt more about myself than I have in my whole lifetime! I find it interesting to note that (some) people fail to see how truly blessed I am. I have a strong family and amazing friends. I find it interesting that people can question me so much that sometimes I question myself! I find it interesting that people like to remind me of what I don't have, (a husband and children) when I feel completely blessed for what I do have.
It took me a long time to get here! I don't know what the future holds for me, no one does. Of course children and a partner would be nice but if it doesn't happen, is it really such a tragedy?! I'm not the kind of person who pins all her hopes on one thing, I never have been.
I've learnt so much in the last 3 years. I've learnt not to hope, not to dream, not to wish! I've learnt to live for today and to block out the negativity. I've learnt that this is where life has taken me and I can either live my life or hope for something else. I choose to live my life, why wouldn't I? I'm blessed, and this is where life has taken me.....it really isn't as bad as people make out!!! Honestly!!!

Until next time,
the last single 34 yr old woman

In Memoriam-a bit left of centre

On May 10th 2007 a married couple, who enjoyed their time with each other after retirement, decided to go for a ride together on their motorbike. This was something they did often, but probably not as much as they liked to. Winter was approaching fast and there were very few 'fine' expected days left. The forecast said there would be rain for the next few days so this particular couple decided to go out on the bike on this day because it was possibly the last sunny, no rain day for a while.

They had no idea that this would be their last ride together. They had no idea that a man in his early twenties would be driving fast. Too fast, way above the speed limit! They had no idea that this guy would fail to slow down, even after being flashed on a speed radar. They had no idea that this guy would be going way to fast to be able to stop when he saw a motor bike with two people on it. They had no idea that this moment on their bike would be their last moments together, in this world.

This couple were both killed by a speeding driver who was simply going too fast to stop.
This couple had no idea they would have their lives cut too short on the bridge almost directly above where they had first met so, so many years before.


On May 10th 2007 a 33 year old man was driving his truck/pick up type vehicle back to his work when he suddenly saw his father's motorbike on the other side of the road. The young man stopped and went over to see what was going on. He saw his father lying on the road and went straight to him. He removed his father's helmet and was with him while he drew his last breath. He then looked for his mother, she was nowhere to be seen. Then through the shouting of a fellow motorist,(the speeding driver) he realised his mother had been trapped beneath the car.

He ran across the road jumped into his vehicle and drove it across the road to where the motorbike had been attached to a car. He used his truck/pick up to lift the car and free his mother. She had been dragged face down over 200 metres, she didn't survive (obviously). What that young man saw that day, no one should ever be allowed to see. An image that will no doubt haunt him for the rest of his life.

This blog is written (in respect) In memoriam of Uncle Gerald and Aunty Yoke, who were taken way too soon!
And yes, to say that speed, does in fact kill.

Take care on the roads!

The other point is, be thankful for the life you have and the people you have around you, I am, every single day!!!

Until next time,
the last single 34 yr old woman

What is SEXY?

Sometimes I find it interesting to sit back and observe people. Lately I've been taking notice of the interactions between men and women and physical attractions between them. I went out the other night with three other girls, all of who are very attractive. I've been friends with one of them for a long time and it always fascinates me to watch how guys react to her. She epitomises all that is stunning, long blonde hair, amazing body and fantastic smile. Guys stop and stare. It is so amusing to me when she walks through a crowd of people (men and women) and they part like the Red sea, just to stop and stare at her. She is oblivious to it! She is stunning both on the inside and outside, and it absolutely resonates from her.
I have quite a few friends like this, girls that create quite a stir when they enter a room. I love it! It is so interesting to see men turn to jelly at the mere sight of an attractive woman.
On the other hand, I find it even more interesting to be hanging out with guys when a girl they find attractive walks past. Most of the men I know are so obvious about staring at girls that I almost get embarrassed. One thing I have noticed is that it doesn't take much to make a guy look at a female. When I was younger, it was all about 'boobs' (this is the least offensive slang word for breasts that I could come up with) and cleavage. Now I'm noticing it is more about legs! Guys seem to love a short skirt with a high heels. (for the record, I'm a jeans girl, although I would love to be a skirt girl). I totally get the skirt thing, I think there is nothing sexier than a great pair of legs in a short skirt and some sensational heels!
One thing I have noticed with some guys (I say 'some' because I know guys who are a lot fussier)is that it doesn't really matter what kind of legs are wearing the skirt. I have been hanging out with guys who are going ga ga over girls wearing short skirts with legs that don't fit society's view (and probably my view) of great legs. I've noticed that girls in their early twenties are a lot more confident wearing shorter skirts, no matter what size they are, they still get the looks from the guys. When I've questioned the whole attraction to the skirts and the bare legs, I have been told that it is all about 'the possibility of easy access' (no explanation required!)!
Sexy is definitely an overall look! I've seen girls that I think are stunning but my male friends have simply said, 'yeh she is cute'! There is such a huge difference between cute and sexy. I think cute, can become sexy, but that comes with a guy actually getting to know a 'cute' girl.

I always remember a couple of years ago when a group of us were talking about how beautiful a model we knew was. All us girls were banging on about how stunning she was and when they asked one of the guys what he thought, his reply was 'nah she is too skinny'! The girls all accepted this as reasonable but when I got the guy alone I said 'c'mon are you really telling me you don't think she is attractive, you really think she is too skinny?'. His reply to me was 'no I think she is hot'! I find it interesting that his knee jerk reaction was to say she was too skinny because he knew that is what all other females like to hear!

Girls are funny creatures, with our make up, our waxing, our fake tans our clothes and our lingerie! Who are we really doing all this for? Not too long ago, one of my friends was wearing an absolutely stunning dress but it was below the knee and showed no cleavage. She looked sensational! When I commented on the dress she said, 'Yeh I'm dressing for the girls and not the boys tonight'! She later told me that not one guy commented on her outfit that night! (believe me she normally gets many comments!)Aren't men funny creatures?! I thought it was very sexy! When talking about this topic the other night with a different girlfriend, she said she always used to only dress for the guys. I never knew there was a difference (maybe why I'm still single-I say that tongue in cheek!)!!I've always dressed the way I like, but I know I definitely get comments on some things and no comments on other things I wear! I think it is great that women can be so in tune with stuff like this.

My mum has killer legs, she always has had (except for her varicose veins that she has had removed). In the sixties, she wore short skirts and looked HOT!!! Now she wears knee length skirts, but she still has the legs (unfortunately the only part of my mum's legs I inherited were the veins and blood clots, instead I got my Dad's short 'soccer legs'!). My Grandmother, also had great legs, and was still wearing heels at age 90!!!! I don't think she was wearing them to impress the men! I think we dress differently for different occassions but of course, we always have to feel great about what we are wearing.

I love fashion, as I've said before, i don't know how to dress for men, only for me but I do have to admit I would love to pull off the whole sexy thing although don't think it would really work for me (which is totally fine, I know I've got great fashion sense in my favour-at the risk of sounding arrogant). In the meantime I will continue to be amused by the men that turn into speechless fools at the sight of a sexy gal in a skirt! I love it and I think more power to the women who can do it, I think it is fabulous!!!!One of the sexiest things to see is when a girl can walk into a room and totally own it! Very impressive!

Until next time,
the last single 34yr old woman

Age is just a number!

Last week was my Mum's 70th Birthday. 70! SEVENTY!! I can't even imagine that my Mum is 70! As I ran around taking photos of Mum with her husband, with her children and grand children, with her remaining brothers and with her nieces and nephews I was thinking to myself that she really must have been doing some serious re capping of her own life. I thought about how she must think back and look at all she created (and looking at all of my gorgeous nieces and nephews, she has passed on some seriously good genes)in amazement. In fact, both of my parents must do that. It then got me thinking about age.
Mum always told me that she was so upset when she turned 30, that she actually mourned leaving her 20s. 30 never bothered me but surprisingly, I was upset about turning 31, go figure!
When I was 13 I remember thinking one of my sisters was so old for turning 24. That was absolutely ancient to me, this year one of my nieces is turning 24 which makes me feel ancient!
Actually, I don't feel 34 (whatever 34 is supposed to feel like)and my friend's ages vary so much that in my mind we are all just the same age. Plus, I think all of my friends look FABULOUS for their age.
I love all the creams, lotions and potions that are designed to make us look younger. (Let me tell you, late at night, that Cindy Crawford one looks amazing! But only because Cindy Crawford looks amazing. It is funny that when I'm watching those ads when I'm really tired, I get so tempted to buy those things!)
I saw an advertisement today for something that fills in the lines on your face temporarily! It actually goes onto your wrinkles and fills them so your makeup goes onto a completely smooth surface, sort of like poly filler for your face! Seriously, is this what we are doing now?! All of that stuff is just too much fuss for me (except for a simple moisturiser) I personally think that laughing keeps you young. If you laugh lots and enjoy life, the youthfulness you feel just shines out of you.
Every time two of my good friends (a married couple) see my mum she always has to tell me how young they look. I KNOW THEY DO!!!The wife has skin that makes her look at least ten years younger than her age, I know she eats healthy most of the time and doesn't wear too much make up and has a good moisturising routine and she has definitely been rewarded for it. The husband, on the other hand, has a very strict diet of coffee (lots of it), scotch and cigarettes (although he does eat reasonably healthy) and he too manages to look A LOT younger than his age.
So maybe looking good for your age is a combination of good genetics and a good state of mind!

I went out with friends the other night and we went to a couple of different bars. One was full of young 'posers'! They were dancing, but not really dancing if you know what I mean. Everyone there was younger than we were, which doesn't bother me at all. The posing part did bother me though. No one looked like they were enjoying themselves, they were putting so much effort into posing and pouting that it just seemed so tedious to me.
The next bar we went to was an older crowd, generally they were older than me although there was quite a few 'cougar' couples there. I'm not loving the term 'Cougar' but I know everyone knows what I mean when I say it.
The next bar (calling it a bar probably makes it sound a bit classier than it is) was full of a real mixture of ages. I would say the range was 17 to about 42. That is always such an interesting age range to watch. The older guys are checking out the 17 year olds, the older females (when I say older I mean my age and above!) are checking out the younger guys. All the girls are checking out the boys in the band (age rules are null and void if you are in a band!) And then there are the REALLY drunk people who are hooking up with absolutely anyone and age doesn't even factor into that equation(the term 'beer goggles' comes to mind!)!

Age really is just a number. With age comes experience and knowledge. Two of the things I love about getting older is all the stuff I continually learn about myself and what i continue to learn about life in general. I think the day we stop allowing ourselves to learn is the day we start to lose our passion for life. Two things I hate about getting older are when you do notice that extra line appearing around your eyes or when someone actually guesses your age correctly!

So my advice (for what it is worth) is continue to learn, enjoy life (of course there will be bad days), dance lots and don't forget to laugh!!

Until next time,
the last single 34yr old woman xx

Trend or style?

Ah, one of my favourite times of the year! The turn of the fashion season! I love it! About two weeks ago, all of the new season fashion stock started arriving in stores and I love exploring and checking out all the new trends.
Eighties are back...AGAIN!! It always fascinates me that one of the least stylish decades keeps coming back to haunt us.
This inspired to check out old photo albums. I was a child through most of the 80s but I still was very fashion forward. I think I put coloured diamontes an every denim item that I owned. I had a fabulous denim pencil skirt with matching crop jacket (shoulder pads to die for!). I am proud to say I NEVER OWNED ANYTHING STONE WASH!!! The eighties was the decade of fluoro colours, plastic coloured earrings, frosted lipstick, elastic belts (the wider the better), Ra Ra skirts, Balloon skirts, rolled up jeans, lots of lace, embellishments galore and tees with your favourite singers or bands on them. I'm sure you can think of many more but these are the things that I was reminded of when taking a walk down 'amnesia lane'!! Oh, oh I just thought of another one! Do you remember those jackets that everyone was bringing back from Bali and they also turned inside out into a bag? Mine was hot pink!!!

So back to this season's eighties trend, obviously the teen shops are doing the fluoros and lace etc but I noticed that the contemporary labels are doing some serious eighties as well. I've seen a lot of military style jackets with shoulder pads and some serious, over the top embellishments. I've seen a lot of tops with shoulder pads and beads, chains and sequins hanging off all over the place. I have noticed stilettos with lots of 'dog collar' studs and silver trims. I think the key thing for people to remember is not to go too crazy with the trend pieces. These pieces will barely be fashionable for the whole season and then you will be left with a new collection in your wardrobe to add to your original eighties collection. Adding your own embellishments to existing tops will help create an original piece for the new season and will also mean you can remove the embellishment at the end of the season. If you want to spend big money on clothes buy yourself some good basics, a fabulous pair of jeans, sensational black stilettos and neutral stilettos, a couple of plain singlet tops for layering, and a good boyfriend blazer or light trench coat for when the weather starts to cool a little, and of course a simple black dress. Anything over and above these pieces are trend pieces that you don't need to spend a lot of money on. I always buy cheap things that I get comments on, it is just all in the way you wear them.
My motto is 'you should wear the clothes, don't let the clothes wear you'!

I'm happy that leather and leather look is coming back, especially for the winter (I'm still a rock chick at heart) and I love all the faux furs that are coming through.

Can you tell I have a passion for fashion?!

I have very distinct loves and hates though:

*LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS!!! I don't care if you have legs like Miranda Kerr, they are still not pants! I don't care if they have denim jean detailing on them, they are still not pants!!!

*Wheels and Dollbaby seems to never go out of fashion. I love the experience of walking into a Wheels and Dollbaby store and the fashion items are sensational. Sexy 50s chic is the best way I can think of to describe their clothes, a style that seems to work year after year. (of course I only ever buy their singlets but one day I will treat myself)

*No stockings with open toe shoes. This is a definite. Of course their are exceptions like the opaque tights with the chunky 50s style peep toe, but be very sure before you attempt this!!

*Follow the famous Coco Chanel rule about removing one accessory before you walk out the door. The days of wearing big matching necklaces, earrings and bracelets are long gone!


**As a little sideline, have you noticed the trend of the 'Ravers'? (I actually had to ask someone to find out what they are called) These are the kids who wear the big flared pants that either have fur or reflector strip down the side and around the bottom of the leg. They also wear dozens of bright children's beaded bracelets up their arms. Very often they are wearing cats ears on there heads and have very heavy black eyeliner. I see them in the city in huge groups. In fact one day I thought I was in for a real treat when they all gathered to dance, but alas, dancing is not their strong point. Although they are not high fashion, they are a trend that does fascinate me!**

So, this week I've started throwing out the 'never to be worn again' stuff to make room for any new season clothing pieces I may buy. I have also been blessed with a mum that is a fantastic dressmaker so I can always draw things that I want and she will make them exactly as I want them. I always like to have a couple of different pieces in my wardrobe that are slightly different from what everyone else has. Eventually I'll go through my shoes, but that is my biggest challenge! I'm a shoe girl (who isn't?) and I can't bring myself to throw out any of my shoes (I'm sure if I wait long enough my cowboy/biker boots from the early 90s will come back in fashion right?!!!!). My relationship with my shoes is very deep, a hot pair of shoes can add colour into my life straight away if I happen to be feeling a bit black and white!!

So go forth and shop and follow some trends (but don't go overboard) but mostly, be YOU! If you aren't comfortable in what you are wearing don't wear it because you won't feel like yourself. If you love your legs, show them off, if you love your breasts show them off. Show off your best assets. If you love your outfit and feel totally comfortable you will glow!! And as for those ladies (and some men) who like to put others down for the way they look and dress...Go check youselves at the door coz I wont be hanging with you!!!

Well, I'm off to check out some shops now...

Until next time,
the last single 34yr old woman xx

Lookalikes.

My mum never had my hair cut from when I was born to when I was in year three! My hair was literally to my knees! When I look at photos from back then, my hair was beautiful, long and wavy, light brown with natural blonde highlights (the exact colour I want now!)Now, I was obsessed with Olivia Newton-John for most of my childhood, so when she cut her hair short, I suddenly wanted mine short. Mum finally gave in, took my final long hair photos, and off we went into the city to get my new Olivia hair do!
When It was done, I looked like I was thirty (I was 8!)! And much to my disgust, I didn't look anything like Olivia!!!

For those of you who are on facebook you will know that one of the applications put forward an exercise that everyone change their profile photo to one of someone famous that they have been told they look like. (I think there was more to it than that but by the time it did the facebook rounds that is how it was presented to me.)

I always find it amusing when people compare you to someone famous and I find that we usually have a different opinion about ourselves from those around us!

I love that one of my friends thinks I look like Sophia Loren (oh bless!). He has said this since he met me when I was 17 and he tries to convince everyone that I look like her. F.y.i, I DON'T LOOK A THING LIKE SOPHIA LOREN but I take it as a compliment and if that is how he sees me then I say, let him! It could be worse!

As a young teenager I was always told I looked like Mallory (Justine Bateman) from Family Ties. I can actually see the similarity with that one. At a Melbourne Cup function a couple of years ago I met a Perth breakfast radio host. He kept saying to me 'you look like someone famous but I can't think who it is!' I suggested Mallory and he absolutely agreed, so for the rest of the day every time I walked past him he would yell out the name Mallory at me.

It really amuses me when guys use 'Do you know who you look like?' as a pick up line. There are two occasions where this happened to me that particularly stick in my mind...
One time I was talking to a guy in a bar and he said 'You look so much like Linda Blair. Do you know who that is?'
My response (with absolutely no expression in my voice): 'Linda Blair? From 'The Exorcist'?!!!!' (All I could think of was how attractive the projectile vomiting scene was!)
He looked horrified! 'No, no Linda Blair from Wonder Woman!'
Linda Carter, HE MEANT LINDA CARTER!!!! BIG DIFFERENCE!!!!! Now Linda Carter I can deal with! In fact my oldest sister looked exactly like Linda Carter when she was younger, I was so proud to have a sister that looked like Wonder Woman.

The second instance that sticks in my mind was when I was talking to a group of people at a pub and this one guy kept saying to me that I looked like someone famous but he couldn't think who it was (blah blah blah). He must have said this to me at least ten times! Finally he clicked his fingers and said 'I know who it is! That actor in The Graduate.'
I said I had no idea who it was, I could only think of what she looked like and I knew I looked nothing like her!
He then said 'it was Ann Bancroft!'
Ok so this guy wasn't saying I looked like the daughter, he was actually saying I looked like Mrs Robinson. MRS ROBINSON!!!! Wasn't she meant to be over 50 in that movie?!!!

*One time when I was in Italy, I was sitting with my Aunty watching television. Gregory Peck came on the T.V. My Aunty (Dad's sister) said that my Dad looked like Gregory Peck! She obviously sees her older brother a little differently from how I see my Dad! I just looked at her thinking maybe something got lost in translation! My Dad looks like Tony Bennett, it is uncanny how much he looks like Tony Bennett, especially when he wears his glasses but I suppose if his sister wants to think he looks like Gregory Peck, she can! (For the record, I think Gregory Peck was gorgeous in his day.)*

I've been told I look like so many different people from a chubbier Danni Minogue to Norma Jean to Aishwarya Rai to Natalie Woods, I even got Anjelina Jolie once (believe me, I took that one and ran with it!!). I think I look like my Dad and possibly his sisters (although I have only met them a couple of times). There are a couple of similarities between myself and one of my sisters but I think the five of us kids actually look pretty different, although I have had people I don't even know be able to pick me as a member of my family straight away. I think mannerisms have a lot to do with how people see you. On lots of different occasions I've had people ask if my best friends are my sisters. I look nothing like them but after so many years we definitely would have picked up some similar mannerisms to make us seem alike.

I don't want to look like anyone else (although I wouldn't mind Christie Turlington's lips and Jennifer Hawkin's body) I just want to look like me. Of course there are many things I'd like to change about my appearance, but who doesn't have those things? I don't think I'd ever have plastic surgery done to change my face (when I was younger I wanted a nose job, now I couldn't care less). I find myself staring a lot when I see people who have had lots of facial plastic surgery because after a lot of it, they can start to look so... well...so plastic!

I find that if someone says you look like a famous person, it is rarely an insult, so even if you disagree, take it and run with it. I think the lookalike game is a fun game to play.

Until next time,
the last single 34yr old woman
xx

Got a man yet?!

**Marilyn Monroe used to keep a diary but apparently, she only ever wrote the good things in it because she didn't want anyone to know the real her- and look how well things turned out for her, maybe if she had been more honest things would have turned out a little differently!! For me the point of this blog is all about honesty because, like I've said before,I started it in an attempt to get my writing mojo back. (it is also NOT an attempt to pick up guys!)I'm slowly getting into the writing again! If I only wrote about the good stuff it wouldn't be honest and it wouldn't be me!**

Now, I don't know if anyone else experiences this but sometimes in certain situations, in my head, my life is like a situation comedy! Sometimes when people say things to me, although I'm not actually saying anything out loud or showing any facial expression, the little me inside my head is saying everything I wish I could say. I know there is a smile I do when someone says something to me that I have no response for. (my friends can recognise this smile All TOO WELL!)
I had one of these moments this week with the guy who does my nails. We were talking about how my bf had had her baby and he said to me, 'So when are you going to have a baby?'. To which I replied (while laughing my nervous, uncomfortable laugh) "oh who knows?' And he says, 'well you better hurry up because time is running out'! MY NAIL GUY!! TELLING ME THAT MY TIME IS RUNNING OUT. The voice in my head was going nuts! For the record, the me in my head seems to yell...A LOT!!!!!
Time is running out! This is a sentence that we single girls love to hear! Nothing like putting the pressure on!
The baby thing doesn't come up half as often as the being single thing though. I used to tell my best friend I was going to write a book called 'Got a man yet?' because I went through a stage where that was all that people asked me. I mean seriously, I would see people from school or people I used to hang out with and the first question they would ask me was 'So, you got a man yet?' It always amazed me that this question came before 'So, what have you been doing with yourself?'
I remember not long after I got back from living in England I was managing a ladies fashion store and I ran into girl I went to school with. When I told her about my job and my trip she actually said to me 'What, no man?'! She was engaged at the time. We were both 23!! TWENTY THREE!!! (she is however, divorced now!)
It always amazes me that no matter what you do in your life you will always end up being judged on whether or not you have a partner in your life!
To be honest the 'Got a man yet?' question isn't even the one that stumps me the most. The question that really leaves me at a total loss for words is 'why are you still single?'. I hate that question soooo much! People say it to my face or they ask my friends why I'm still single and my friends relay it back to me. Now, I know my friends tell me because they see it as a compliment, because it is said meaning 'I don't understand why she is still single' but it is a question I can't answer in a nice polite way so I generally just change the subject. People don't want my answer. My answer is 'I don't know, why do YOU think I'm still single?' But I can't actually ask that because it would obviously just make people feel uncomfortable. Or on the few occasions I have asked it I just get cop out answers like 'you are obviously too fussy' or 'you obviously don't want one'! These answers make me want to scream because I want constructive things like 'you need to smile more', 'you need to listen more', 'change the way you dress', 'don't act quite so blokey', 'don't be so obtrusive', 'lose weight' or 'be softer'. Whatever it is, JUST TELL ME! There has to be reason, there is always a reason for things.
Have you ever seen the show 'Get Smart'? I never liked the show but I always remember the closing credits to that show when Maxwell Smart is walking through the corridor with the huge heavy doors slamming closed behind him . Well that is pretty much what happens to me if I'm talking to a guy that interests me! All those doors slam closed around me blocking any part of the real me! So it isn't that I don't want a permanent guy in my life, I just don't know which me to be in order to get one! I am a terrible flirt so I pretty much gave up attempting to flirt when I was 17, it just felt too fake for me. Sometimes I wish I had one of those little ear pieces in my ear with my two BFs on a radio telling me what to say when I'm talking to new guys (ones that aren't my friends I mean.)because when we were younger they were always the masters of the flirt! Although, the flaw in that, of course is that I wouldn't be being myself!

I remember there was this guy I was 'hanging out' with and I decided to consult my BFs about how I should be acting. (Just as a little side note, one of the BFs literally nearly fell off her chair in Gold Class cinemas purely out of excitement that I was talking like this about any guy!!) I would come to one of them and say things like 'but he got angry when a random guy was just asking me if I was having a good night' and she would say 'oh but that is nice, it just means he cares'! So I would go away thinking, Okay, I must be looking at this the wrong way! I actually used to ask them what to say and how to act but eventually I realised I just wasn't being myself (and that I actually thought he was an idiot), which to me, defeats the purpose of spending time with someone.

Not long ago I went on a blind date/coffee with a guy and it was torture!!! I was asking all these questions(because everyone always says you should listen to what the guy has to say) and all I was getting were one word responses. It also didn't help that about 9 different people I know were having coffee in that same cafe, all watching, curious to see who I was with. This was when it occurred to me that in your thirties, when people are trying to set two single people up, the only prerequisite is that they are both single and breathing! The set up very rarely has anything to do with interests and personality. Although, in saying that, one of my friends said not that long ago that he met the perfect guy for me, that his personality was so much like mine, the only problem was that he was married!!! (That's great, yeh thanks for that!!)

So tonight I had a look at one of those Internet dating sites, it was more out of curiosity than anything else. (For the record, I don't think there is anything wrong with people using these sites, I've just never done it myself.)
I found the questions on the application form very interesting. The questions were all answered on a one to ten basis and they were questions like 'how attractive are you?', 'Do you like helping those in need?', 'Are you a good listener?'. I mean come on! Are people really answering these questions completely honestly? There was a whole section on how your friends would describe you. I know how I'd like my friends to describe me but I'm sure how they actually describe me is a totally different thing!!

Now as I get older I find a lot of my good friends are unable to go out with me as much because of other commitments (understandable). When I do actually go out with them I'm generally enjoying myself so much with them that I don't have time to be meeting men. Plus times are different now. When the girls get time away from husbands, boyfriends and kids we just want to do dinners and quiet drinks so we can catch up properly (which I totally love). When the boys get time away from wives, girlfriends and kids they just want to have boys nights as a total break. So the opportunities to go out and meet guys have become less and less. Of course you go out with new people but nothing ever beats the you that you can be when you are around the friends you love and are most comfortable with. So as a result, as a single, you kind of get left in limbo a bit.

I don't want to give the wrong impression, it is not like I think about this stuff all the time, it is just when people like to remind me how my time is running out it obviously plays on my mind a bit! I mean apparently time is running out so fast for me, I barely had enough time to finish this blog!!!


Until next time,
the last single 34 yr old woman....i like long walks on the beach and....RELAX I"m joking, I"M JOKING!!!

xx