In summer, as a child I used to take 5 minutes to throw my bathers on and run outside and jump into my neighbour’s swimming pool. As an adult it takes time to put sunscreen on, get into my bathers, make sure my towel is nearby and then I stand on the edge of the pool and psyche myself into diving in.
Life seemed so easy as a child. There was no thinking, you just ‘did’ and suffered the consequences of your actions later. As an adult, there are always questions, reservations and fears. Although I never quite knew what I wanted to be in terms of career, I think I was always so sure of myself. I knew who I was. I knew what to expect and I was prepared for anything.
I was so naïve.
Isn’t it funny how life can throw you so many curve balls, how, no matter how prepared you think you are, life can throw things at you that can completely shake you to the core. Life can change everything you were, or thought you were.
There are big things that happen to us and there are small things that happen to us. Sometimes you find yourself in the eye of a storm quicker than you can ever imagine. Sometimes things happen and you don’t realise how much they have changed you until later when you stand aside and look back.
There are things that can happen in one second that can completely change every part of you. There are unexpected relationships, there are loves that succeed and loves that never stand a chance, there are people that you have one lasting moment with and there are people you spend the rest of your lives with. There are choices that we make for ourselves and there are choices that are made for us. There is laughter and there are tears. There is euphoria and there are disappointments. There are unexpected delays and there is the inevitable that comes faster than we ever wanted. There are moments to look back and reminisce and there are times we must look forward.
Every moment in our lives counts, changes us and forms us. Are there regrets? Are there mistakes? Of course there are, there has to be, no one else has ever lived our lives before us.
People talk about destiny and fate. Do I believe in these? I don’t know! I love the thought of destiny but then I think that destiny can be cruel sometimes and that other people use destiny and fate as an excuse for the mistakes they have made.
There are so many so called professionals who give advice on how your life should be lived. Are there any real answers though? Is there any right way to prepare for all that life throws at us?
The Beatles said ‘All you need is Love’.
Van Morrison told us ‘There’d be days like this’.
The Rolling Stones told us ‘You can’t always get what you want’.
Is there an instruction manual to Life?
I think it just comes down to whether we are going to stand on the edge or just dive in. There are no answers and there are always bumps or, even hills in the road. We can only have limited expectations as there will always be the unexpected or the unknown.
Life is not always easy, no one ever said it would be, at least no one said it to me!
Until next time,
the last single 36yr old xx
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Chef, Cook or whatever.....
I've never been very good at following instructions, actually no, correction, I've never been very good at READING instructions. Quite frankly, I can't be bothered. Televisions, mobile phones, computers etc. I never read instructions.
This then causes me my dilemma about recipes. I do like to cook and am pretty good at it (if I do say so myself). My forte is savoury food and I think this is because I can just make stuff up based on tastes. You can't make stuff up in baking! I have made up some yummy meals over the years but am always unnsuccessful with desserts. Whenever people ask me to 'bring something sweet' I can never just settle for bringing something simple like a cake! No no no I have to try and conjure up some elaborate dessert in my head!
This little intro brings me to today's challenge. Macarons!! Everyone has been talking Macarons ever since Adriano Zumbo's Macaron tower on Masterchef.
My team leader (who bakes a lot) at work tried about 6 times before he perfected them (they were delish!). I've been wanting to try making them for ages so today I gave them a go. However, I did cheat a little! I decided to try the Donna Hay macaron packet mix first.
I figured that this would help me learn the texture and process and then I would attempt them from scratch! I'm not really sure if this was the right approach!! I followed the very simple instructions, I read and re read. I wanted these to be perfect. I mean seriously, how hard can it be?! At least that is what I thought!! When it came time to spoon them onto the tray (yes she said to spoon them not pipe them) I realised something had somehow gone a little wrong. It looked like I was making pikelets!
Even then I kept saying to myself 'maybe this is how they are meant to look' (wishful thinking when I knew there was no way they were meant to look like that). So after the stated ten minutes waiting time, I popped them into the oven and hoped for the best!
And the result?
Don't be crazy, as if!! These are the ones that my team leader made for me! Here are mine!
MAJOR FAIL!!!! Hilarious! However, they do still taste delicious!!
I may or may not try making them again(from scratch next time why bother with the bought mix?).
Otherwise I'll stick to cooking savoury stuff and playing it safe with cakes if and when sweet is required! The french stuff may just be a little too complicated for me!
Until next time,
the last single 35yr old woman xx
This then causes me my dilemma about recipes. I do like to cook and am pretty good at it (if I do say so myself). My forte is savoury food and I think this is because I can just make stuff up based on tastes. You can't make stuff up in baking! I have made up some yummy meals over the years but am always unnsuccessful with desserts. Whenever people ask me to 'bring something sweet' I can never just settle for bringing something simple like a cake! No no no I have to try and conjure up some elaborate dessert in my head!
This little intro brings me to today's challenge. Macarons!! Everyone has been talking Macarons ever since Adriano Zumbo's Macaron tower on Masterchef.
My team leader (who bakes a lot) at work tried about 6 times before he perfected them (they were delish!). I've been wanting to try making them for ages so today I gave them a go. However, I did cheat a little! I decided to try the Donna Hay macaron packet mix first.
I figured that this would help me learn the texture and process and then I would attempt them from scratch! I'm not really sure if this was the right approach!! I followed the very simple instructions, I read and re read. I wanted these to be perfect. I mean seriously, how hard can it be?! At least that is what I thought!! When it came time to spoon them onto the tray (yes she said to spoon them not pipe them) I realised something had somehow gone a little wrong. It looked like I was making pikelets!
And the result?
Don't be crazy, as if!! These are the ones that my team leader made for me! Here are mine!
I may or may not try making them again(from scratch next time why bother with the bought mix?).
Otherwise I'll stick to cooking savoury stuff and playing it safe with cakes if and when sweet is required! The french stuff may just be a little too complicated for me!
Until next time,
the last single 35yr old woman xx
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
my Dad told me he loved me......
We have never been an overly affectionate family (I believe it is the Scottish in us). My friends know me as the person that is hardest to show affection to. For me this is tough, because I have always craved the affection (but never known how to show it), but then again, being the youngest, I have always been a little different from my 3 sisters and my brother in that way. I have always conformed as that is what I was always used to.
In some ways I have always been jealous of my siblings,they all got to spend time together going on family trips and spending quality time with each other. In other ways, being so much younger than my siblings, I was thankful for the time I got to spend with my parents alone. As this is about my Dad, I'll talk about the times with him. Any moment he had spare he spent with me. Every Thursday night, we used to go to Morley shopping centre (pre Galleria) and buy scratchie lotto tickets, it was our thing. If he had a saturday morning off (he worked a lot)we would go into the city and just walk around and always come home with hot cinnamon doughnuts (ah the simple things!).
Dad and I clashed a lot when I was in my late teens and early 20s, but we both always knew that these 'clashes;' were because we were so similar. We could both be very 'hot tempered', stubborn and opinionated! It just seemed normal that we would butt heads!
Fast forward to when I was in my late twenties and i remember my mum had been rushed to hospital for D.V.T and that night, as Dad and I had dinner together, he told me he loved me and he told me all the things that he hoped i would achieve in my life. In a family that doesn't actually use the words 'i love you' often, this conversation will always be in my memory.
Over the last few years I learnt so much about my Dad. He opened up about things from his past that he never would have told me about. I will always be thankful for the insight into his life.
On Friday August 26th 2011, my Dad passed away. After nearly 3 weeks of being unconscious after having a stroke on a holiday in Scotland, his body decided that enough was enough. Everyone keeps saying the world lost a true gentleman (I absolutely love this description). All I know is that, last Friday, my mum lost her soulmate and I lost my Dad.
Until next time,
the last single 35yr old woman.
(maybe not the most upbeat of blogs but I can only write from the heart)
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
the Reality of Reality......
I've always made a promise to myself that I would be totally honest when I write this blog. Over the last 11 days I have started writing 3 times but deleted each time. This time I'm going to try and write a complete post. I guess I should start from the beginning...
So here goes. Last week I was out for dinner with great friends, just after main course I received a call from my brother telling me that my Dad had collapsed while on his holiday (with Mum) in Inverness, Scotland and that he was unconscious. I rang the hospital straight away and spoke to mum but all she could tell me was that he had collapsed while they were walking through a mall. She sounded broken. The next 5 hours were filled with me, my brother and sisters ringing each other and the hospital and words like 'coma', 'stroke' and 'possibility of not waking up' were being thrown around a lot. Everything seemed to be in slow motion. Mum was over there on her own and none of us could see Dad or Mum to see exactly what was going on (I'm a visual person).
The next morning, one of my sisters left to be with Mum in Scotland. In the meantime my cousin's wife went up from Manchester to be with Mum. I can't even fathom what mum must have been going through. My cousin from Italy also flew over. Mum needed company.
#just as a little side note I have to explain (for those of you that have never read my blogs before) that my parents are complete soul mates, their love for each other has never been questioned, by anyone.
3 days later we were told that Dad won't be waking up. Numb! He won't be waking up! My Dad, won't be waking up!
Since that diagnosis I can only describe what I've been feeling as complete limbo. I'm going through all the motions of my normal life (working etc.) but this is the only thing on my mind. My friends and family have been amazing, but this is all that is on my mind. Why did this have to happen so far away? Why does this have to go on so long? I'm going about my normal day to day business but all I really want to do is lie in bed and wait for it all to be over. Or I want to wake up and find out that this was all just a nightmare. This is torture. I want to see my mum, I want to support her. this is torture.
I can keep saying I'm o.k but the reality is, I'm not. I'm exhausted, both mentally and physically. I'd love there to be a happy ending but the reality is there can't be. I want this over, how long can it go on for?
Until next time,
the last single 35yr old.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
In the blink of an eye!
When I was younger I used to throw around quotes like 'life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans' and 'between thousands of yesterdays and millions of tomorrow, lies one, and only one today'. Now, although I probably understand such poignant sentiments better than I did, I find there is barely enough time for them to ring true. 'Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt and dance like no one is watching', one of my favourite quotes but seriously, who the hell has time. I used to love to look back and remember those moments, those moments that helped form us, those moments that made me laugh, those moments that made me cry and most of all, those moments that made me, me. But now there is no time, NO TIME! Where time used to seem to go so slowly when I was younger (too slowly) now I find it is all just a blur, like the image of a train zipping by. There doesn't seem to be enough time to have those moments anymore, and to create them takes planning and time (which we don't have). I find myself always rushing things, conversations, family time, friend time, me time, the things I cherish most I have to rush to fit into my schedule.
I'd love to have time to 'smell the roses' as they say (whoever they are?)but WHEN?
Time is so limited at the moment, I barely have time to write this blog, but I will however, take time to finish with another quote I love.
'As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.'
Just another thought.
Until next time,
the last single 35yr old x
I'd love to have time to 'smell the roses' as they say (whoever they are?)but WHEN?
Time is so limited at the moment, I barely have time to write this blog, but I will however, take time to finish with another quote I love.
'As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.'
Just another thought.
Until next time,
the last single 35yr old x
Thursday, July 14, 2011
the age of learning....
At 23 I knew who i was, no expectations, no false beliefs in myself. At 35 I realised I've questioned myself for more than ten years!
It amazes me that people can come into our lives and teach us to question everything we stand for, evereything we are comfortable with, everything we come to terms with about ourselves. It amazes me that people can come into our lives and have such a profound affect on everything we believed to be true about ourselves and never know the difference they have made on our lives. The people we choose to be around can help form us, as human beings, good or bad, they can help create the people we can be today. Without the people we choose to surround us, I believe, we would never know who we truly are. These people serve a purpose but they can't always stay around forever, sometimes, once they have served their purpose, they need to leave just as easily as they entered. As sad as it, this is all just part of a process, they have to leave in order for you to truly understand the learning they were brought to you for.
Just a thought......
Until next time,
the last single 35 yr old woman
It amazes me that people can come into our lives and teach us to question everything we stand for, evereything we are comfortable with, everything we come to terms with about ourselves. It amazes me that people can come into our lives and have such a profound affect on everything we believed to be true about ourselves and never know the difference they have made on our lives. The people we choose to be around can help form us, as human beings, good or bad, they can help create the people we can be today. Without the people we choose to surround us, I believe, we would never know who we truly are. These people serve a purpose but they can't always stay around forever, sometimes, once they have served their purpose, they need to leave just as easily as they entered. As sad as it, this is all just part of a process, they have to leave in order for you to truly understand the learning they were brought to you for.
Just a thought......
Until next time,
the last single 35 yr old woman
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
that AGE old number......
So it has been a while! Actually over 8 months since I wrote a blog, but I've had a few people remind me that I haven't written for so long so I felt like I should. I had been thinking about it but had given into the fact that since I had started full time (and some) work again I kind of couldn't find my mojo! I have since reconsidered this theory....no excuses I've decided! So now i'm back, exclamation marks and all!!
My first thought, when I re opened my blog after so long was 'do i change the title'? Things have, after all, changed in my life since I last wrote. Don't get excited, I'm talking about my age! That is correct, I am now thirty five,thirty five, 35! (it doesn't matter how I say it, I'm 35) And although that doesn't sound very different (one year to be exact!), just saying 35, to me, sounds VERY different!!!
This personal debate about my blog title got me thinking about age. When I was in my twenties, forty may as well have been ninety! Now, at thirty five, and knowing how fast the last five years have gone, forty seems only a blink away! 40! My dad was 40 when i was born. 40! I was 5 when my mum turned 40! Don't get me wrong, I'm not writing off the next 5 years but it has certainly got me thinking! Some of my friends are turning 40 this year (they still look in their twenties)and i'm sure it has got their minds ticking.
Age? What does it really mean? Now that I'm getting older, I'm starting to question how it must feel to be even 'older'. I still feel young so I keep acting young, or so I think! This begs the question, what if I'm one of those women acting way younger than I really am? Holy crap I don't want to be one of those women that people in their twenties are saying 'I'm sorry, I didn't know my mum was coming out tonight'about! (We actually used to say that occasionally but I'm sure, looking back it must have been about women who were over 100!!)
I found out recently I am going to be a 'great aunt', now that was a huge age awakener! I never had any great aunts, but I did however have a great uncle. I never spoke to him much, probably mainly because he scottish accent was way too strong for me to understand most of the time, and also beacuse as a young girl, I found him a bit strange and could not relate to this 'old man' at all. He travelled by the seasons and spent summer here and then summer in Scotland. I always remember never knowing when he would show up and then all of a sudden, he would show up on a Sunday morning (sunday mornings are a thing at Mum's house)and would stay for Sunday lunch. He was good to us though, he would bring one of us a gift each time. I remember recieving a Cameo necklace and ear rings (I think I was 12) and another time he gave me a wallet with money in it.
I wonder what my great niece or nephew will think of me. Will I be one of those musty smelling ladies with lots of cats and a long, grey braid tied into a bun? Considering the baby is due in October, I don't think I really have enough time to make this transition! I have no pets, and thanks to Narcisso Rodriguez, I never smell 'musty' and there is no grey in my hair (thanks to my fabulous balyage!) Plus there is the fact I'm only 35!
Speaking of hair, at what point do we have to cut our hair short? 45? 50? 60? Let's face it, none of us know many women over the age of 55 with long flowing locks. I do have to admit, the last time I got my hair cut short (about three years ago) I did say to myself 'this is the last time I cut my hair short for fashion and not for age'!
See I'm really touching on all the hard hitting topics! The great hair question! Back me up ladies, we do ask this question as we get older!
I've learnt so much about myself and life in the last 8 months, the last year, the last ten years....I've learned to fight for things worth fighting for and to accept the things that can't be changed. I'm sure growing older for a woman who is single and without children is very different from that of a woman who is married with 3 children, no better or worse, just different but I think the theme remains the same. I think we are more open to learn as we get older, when we were younger I think we thought we knew it all (I did anyway), I knew nothing! Growing older gives you wisdom, the wisdom to look back and smile and to look forward with excitement.
All I can say is as we get older, enjoy it, embrace it and accept it, I plan to!
Until next time,
the last single 35yr old woman
My first thought, when I re opened my blog after so long was 'do i change the title'? Things have, after all, changed in my life since I last wrote. Don't get excited, I'm talking about my age! That is correct, I am now thirty five,thirty five, 35! (it doesn't matter how I say it, I'm 35) And although that doesn't sound very different (one year to be exact!), just saying 35, to me, sounds VERY different!!!
This personal debate about my blog title got me thinking about age. When I was in my twenties, forty may as well have been ninety! Now, at thirty five, and knowing how fast the last five years have gone, forty seems only a blink away! 40! My dad was 40 when i was born. 40! I was 5 when my mum turned 40! Don't get me wrong, I'm not writing off the next 5 years but it has certainly got me thinking! Some of my friends are turning 40 this year (they still look in their twenties)and i'm sure it has got their minds ticking.
Age? What does it really mean? Now that I'm getting older, I'm starting to question how it must feel to be even 'older'. I still feel young so I keep acting young, or so I think! This begs the question, what if I'm one of those women acting way younger than I really am? Holy crap I don't want to be one of those women that people in their twenties are saying 'I'm sorry, I didn't know my mum was coming out tonight'about! (We actually used to say that occasionally but I'm sure, looking back it must have been about women who were over 100!!)
I found out recently I am going to be a 'great aunt', now that was a huge age awakener! I never had any great aunts, but I did however have a great uncle. I never spoke to him much, probably mainly because he scottish accent was way too strong for me to understand most of the time, and also beacuse as a young girl, I found him a bit strange and could not relate to this 'old man' at all. He travelled by the seasons and spent summer here and then summer in Scotland. I always remember never knowing when he would show up and then all of a sudden, he would show up on a Sunday morning (sunday mornings are a thing at Mum's house)and would stay for Sunday lunch. He was good to us though, he would bring one of us a gift each time. I remember recieving a Cameo necklace and ear rings (I think I was 12) and another time he gave me a wallet with money in it.
I wonder what my great niece or nephew will think of me. Will I be one of those musty smelling ladies with lots of cats and a long, grey braid tied into a bun? Considering the baby is due in October, I don't think I really have enough time to make this transition! I have no pets, and thanks to Narcisso Rodriguez, I never smell 'musty' and there is no grey in my hair (thanks to my fabulous balyage!) Plus there is the fact I'm only 35!
Speaking of hair, at what point do we have to cut our hair short? 45? 50? 60? Let's face it, none of us know many women over the age of 55 with long flowing locks. I do have to admit, the last time I got my hair cut short (about three years ago) I did say to myself 'this is the last time I cut my hair short for fashion and not for age'!
See I'm really touching on all the hard hitting topics! The great hair question! Back me up ladies, we do ask this question as we get older!
I've learnt so much about myself and life in the last 8 months, the last year, the last ten years....I've learned to fight for things worth fighting for and to accept the things that can't be changed. I'm sure growing older for a woman who is single and without children is very different from that of a woman who is married with 3 children, no better or worse, just different but I think the theme remains the same. I think we are more open to learn as we get older, when we were younger I think we thought we knew it all (I did anyway), I knew nothing! Growing older gives you wisdom, the wisdom to look back and smile and to look forward with excitement.
All I can say is as we get older, enjoy it, embrace it and accept it, I plan to!
Until next time,
the last single 35yr old woman
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