So I have been feeling well below par of late. It would be hard to describe why, there has been so much going on. There has been a lot of internal questioning going on about many things. I have been finding it very difficult to find the answer or reason to most of it.
It seems the realist in me has taken over and the girl that used to be able to take me to a better, happier, fantasy place to escape the world, has disappeared. I have no idea of what my future holds, and I sometimes wish to become more naive and not so realistic.
It is no secret that my father passed away last year. I am surprised at the scar that this has left me with. I don't know if maybe it is the circumstances in which it happened or if it is that the strength I had when it all happened has worn off but I have been feeling the aftermath a quite a bit of late. I have also felt it maybe a bit late in the game to discuss that time with people. Tonight it suddenly occurred to me that it is exactly 7 months since it all happened. I think about those dreaded three weeks every single day. I know I probably shouldn't rehash things from that time but I think it may take a little longer than expected to start feeling completely normal again.
Although I have a lot of stuff going on at the moment,and I probably choose to talk about hardly any of it, I think the key, underlying fact that finally I can admit is, and I finally should admit is, I just miss my Dad.
Until next time,
the last single 36yr old woman
